I often have wonderings about my health anxiety, in terms of why I have it and can I get to the source of the problem? A huge issue for me and it may be for you, is tackling the 'unknown' in life. In my present state I don’t much like the unknown.
To me the unknown is an all encompassing red monster with wings which jumps out at me and gives me what I think are serious illnesses and ultimately death. I often hear myself saying 'ok whats going to happen next, whats the next ailment or symptom? I always seem to have some ailment which I always think is something sinister brought in from the cold by the 'unknown' .
But you know, I don’t want to be scared of the unknown anymore. I feel like I am in a constant battle with life, trapped with no control over what's going to happen next. It's a difficult and tiring way to live your life. I want to make peace with the unknown and let go of the rope which I'm clinging on to and say, "ok so the future is unknown, in fact the rest of this day is pretty much unknown but the unknown doesn’t have to be bad and in most cases it isn't , in some cases it can be great and in some cases it may not be so great."
We're all a bit anxious about the unknown - but those of us who have an anxiety condition can base their whole life around fear of uncertainties. I'd like to think that I am slowly becoming a little more at ease with the unknown. Rationally speaking there are always going to be events and happenings which you can't control when they meet you in life but you can choose how you deal with them and this is the key antidote you have in being in control of the unknown once it is the known.
I want to be quasi-friends with the unknown, meet it no sooner then its ready to meet me, I want to appreciate it and get to know it without a hair of negativity and then bid farewell to it and move on or embrace it and live with it. I want to accept that I can't control everything in life and that's ok because we need the unknown to make our lives unique and make our lives a fascinating story to tell one day… in the future…in the unknown future.
Another experiment, lets see what happens.
How do you feel about the unknown - does it stop you leading a full life?
