Well last week was quite a 'drama queen' of a week. Events and related stress levels peaked- highlights included: Hearing the outcome of whether I would be made redundant from my job and having to move into temporary accommodation while repair works are done to my flat. It has also been one of those weeks where I was bombarded with bad news about people I know.
I don't think I need to mention, that as someone with health anxiety, I've been feeling just a little overwhelmed. I was anticipating a massive dose of different ailments which would fling me back into the nadir of anxiety land. Strangely enough I didn’t get a massive dose but I did get somewhat panicked about a few ailments. Let's see- for instance:
1) Last week I had a cold..just a cold but the anxiety creature was telling me something different. It was asking me if I was sure it was just a cold… it was whispering.."colds can be a sign of something more serious". My cold ended with a cough plus congestion…there was one point where I thought I would choke or my air waves would close up… this was confirmed on the Internet which said that if you have difficulty swallowing then seek immediate medical attention. I made a dash to my local Boots chemist and asked the pharmacist if I was going to be dead in a minute and should I call an ambulance? " I think you'll be OK" he said and offered some anti- congestion tablets, with such poise and calmness. Wow I thought..he's selfish.. I could be suffocated to death in a minute and all he cares about is selling me some pills. I took the pills and thankfully am still alive- as you can see;
2) The week before that I thought I had glaucoma…but it was the eye ointment I was taking for an eye infection which was making my eyes go funny. I still think there is something wrong with my eyes.. I've managed to walk into the optometrists to ask their advice, but making an actual eye test appointment is still off the cards;
3) At the same time I started getting pain in my right knee every time I walked (I have a little arthritis in it). It did cross my mind whether this was actually not my arthritis playing up because of stress but a tumour in my knee. Again I rushed to Boots for some anti-inflammatories, to rule out any rogue tumours. It was the same pharmacist…" oh its you again.. What are you dying of today?".... I should really find another chemist.
The above were pockets of of anxiety attacks about my health, completely linked to the stresses which were looming ahead. I'm convinced that the CBT I've been receiving from my excellent therapist has really helped. A lot of this seems to occur even at a sub-conscious level. You instinctively begin rationalising your ailments and symptoms. I'm also incredibly familiar with how my anxiety works..it likes to be clever but I completely get what it's trying to do.
Also I suspect that at some point, anxiety gets bored of hanging around the same person…you know a bit like how the novelty wears off a new dress or you get fed up of listening to the same song for the billionth time.
The good thing is the week ended well...I hope this can last.
Love Amelia
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